I needed something to do with my commute one day, so I popped out the karaoke CD - the one with songs I knew the karaoke bar had in their catalog. I had decided last time that I simply didn’t know how to sing, so I was going to rap. I had time on my hands, so I chose something moderately challenging (and appropriate for a suburban white boy) - “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz. Over the next couple weeks I put literally hours into rehearsing that song, until I could do it without lyrics or even accompaniment. When my wife’s friends suggested a trip the bar, I got bemused but enthused looks when I told them my planned selection. Late last week, Diana and I practiced together so she could be my backup singer. I know she’s biased, but she said I sounded really impressive.

Moment of truth - mics are handed to me and Diana. I get up, confident that I’m going to sound really, really white, but that I’m going to give a good performance.

And Diana and I proceed to train wreck it. The background music was really, really poor, the rhythm changed up in a few places so that neither Diana nor I were in sync with it, and the displayed lyrics were, well, not in sync with anything.

I know there are quality karaoke CDs out there, but at any given bar they’re likely to be mixed in with crap like this. Trying to choose the right song is like navigating a minefield.

So I’m done. If the karaoke companies and the bars that stock their wares don’t give a damn, why should I?